Tuesday, August 12, 2003

 

Silly Party of California...UNITE!

We’re still awaiting late word from the Zappa camp, but the race is beginning to take shape. Arnold jumped out to a large early lead in what’s considered a short campaign in this country at 8 weeks. But with so much media based out here contributing to shortened attention spans, 8 weeks in California can feel like forever. After about 3 weeks the novelty could wear off and his announcement will seem like ancient history. That’s usually about how long it takes to squeeze every bit of humor from a situation which help explains our short attention.

Now as you all know, or will know now, I’m a long-time staunch supporter of the Silly Party, who are well represented in this race. Actually… for the first time ever, the Silly Party will have more candidates on the ballot than any other political faction BY FAR. In polls I saw over the weekend, Gary Coleman had enough support to warrant listing his name, while the others were relegated to the “Other” designation. That is, depending upon whether you consider Larry Flynt to be Silly Party material. He was at 6%, Arriana had 4% and Coleman, 3%. “Others” had 3% also.

So what I’m proposing, fellow Silly Party members, (actually, more than half EXPECTING) are the forming of coalitions within the party, sort of like the T.V. show, “Survivor”. I feel this process would produce results that would have to be taken seriously as it were, and be large enough to require media consideration. Perhaps a debate is in order! It would be a shame to squander this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity by splitting our Party’s vote 187 ways.

Now, Gallagher could probably well represent the Silly Party values we so cherish, but I suspect he’s so Liberal that he goes all the way around to being Conservative. Just a hunch. I’ve often found extreme Libertarian views have more than a passing resemblance to those of the Ultra-Conservative persuasion. I believe Father Sarducci could construct a good Liberal campaign, but while his height of popularity waned about the same time as Gallagher’s, he was nowhere near as popular or as known. And Guido’s dry sense of humor doesn’t speak to the masses like Gallagher’s in your face style does. He’s capable of expressing the irony seen in everyday life on a much grander scale.

But let’s face it….Gary Coleman has the name recognition that draws your attention. And of course, we can count on him to represent the “little guy”. (I couldn’t resist. This IS the Silly Party…) But unfortunately, this douchbag already said he’s voting for Arnold! Surely that can be considered pretty silly, but his timing was all wrong.

As a registered California voter, when push comes to shove I’ll probably wind up voting for the lesser of two assholes…again. Every poll I’ve seen to date indicates that Davis will be recalled. This will create an EXTREMELY odd situation, in that Davis will need 50% + 1 to retain his office, but the other 193 candidates can win with as little as 20%! Hardly seems fair considering he was just re-elected last year. I imagine the eventual winner will face the same ordeal.

But with Arnold steamrolling his opponents out of the way, the momentum he’s created may continue and he may actually decide to go through with this. I still believe that he’s just clearing the field for Riordan to step up at the end….although I don’t know if Riordan has filed as a candidate. And my record on such matters is not good. I never believed Ol’ Ronny would ever be Governor, much less the friggin’ President! I still don’t believe it.

Apparently, Arnie’s a “real shrewdy” if
this article bears any truth. It claims he possesses an MBA degree from the University of Wisconsin- Superior. And people seem to be accepting him as a serious candidate, although he’s offered no thoughts on what he would actually do. So unfortunately, I’ll have to first hold my nose and vote no on recalling Davis (I’m certainly no FAN…) and then keep holding it to vote for Bustemante in an attempt to retain a Democrat…..missing out on all the fun.

But much can happen in these eight weeks to change the field. I can even conjure up a scenario that would require me to vote for Arnold as the lesser evil. When the Conservative Republican wing learns of his acceptance of homosexuality as a lifestyle as well as his pro-choice stance on abortions, a good number will change horses perhaps bolstering Simon’s support to that of an actual contender. That would be TOTALLY unacceptable to me, particularly since he lost to Davis by a large margin last year. If I had to choose between him or Arnold, I guess I’d take the big guy. Can you imagine???

In conclusion, I want to again stress the importance of uniting behind one or two Silly Party candidates that could eventually form a coalition with one of the major candidates that may actually decide this thing! If you add up the 6% of Flynt, 4% for Huffington (a moderate Silly) 3%-Coleman and 3% others, you have a force to be reckoned with, representing a whopping 16% of the electorate! That’s about what Bustemante had! If we could get Bustemante to make some small concession to our cause in order to garner our support, our combined 32% would equal Arnold’s present numbers and all but assure victory! I urge all my fellow Sillies to have fun with it for now, but please consider my proposal as one that would cause others to take notice of our numbers and possibly swing this election. Thank you and God bless! (the Brahma is escorted from the podium to the sound of cheers mixed with laughter, kazoos and honking clown horns…)

posted by ~Brahma 2:58 AM