Wednesday, July 17, 2002

 

Need a Miracle

It's been reported that southern Italy is being invaded by swarms of locusts coming over from North Africa. The infestation is bad enough to keep people shut indoors, as the locusts wipe out the crops. Where's a Morman when you need one? Probably about to knock on your door, in their never ending quest to make you see things their way, as they battle the Jehova's Witnesses for turf. They both wear the same type of clothes, making it tough to tell them apart. Not unlike the old North and South side gangs in 1920's Chigago. And like those gangs, if you don't stand your ground and give them money, they'll be back month after month for more! The only way to get rid of them is to never, ever talk to them. They're on duty 24/7. They won't miss an opportunity to express their religous beliefs. They are polite to the extreme, making it difficult to be rude and/or ignore them.
I once made the mistake of spending the time to listen to a polite young man and his assistant give their shpiel. After our brief conversation, he handed me a small magazine of sorts. I said thanks, and started to close the door. He quickly blurted out something about a donation for the magazine. Being caught off guard (for some reason..) I compounded my error and handed him a dollar, thinking that was the end of it. But of course, he returned every few weeks to continue our conversation, hand me a mag, take a buck, then leave. I began to run in to him at the supermarket. Turns out, he lived just a couple of miles away. Actually, he was a nice guy, which made it even harder to deny him access when he knocked.
Eventually, I noticed that every time he knocked on my door, he had a different person with him. I started paying closer attention, trying to figure out the relationship to who was showing up with my new found "friend". It didn't take long to notice body language and interaction between them, like eye contact at particular points of the conversation. Suddenly, I was struck with a realization as if the Good Lord struck me with a lightning bolt from above! This guy was using me as a training exercise to help create more clones! It was like he was saying "Here....watch this big tough looking guy answer the door and melt under my extreme politeness and be kind in return." He was like any other salesman with a trainee in tow.
Now, I'm generally a polite person, so he wasn't spinning gold from straw here.....but I refuse to help put more annoying people out there wasting peoples time. So...., the next time he was working my neighborhood, I did what most everyone else does......I made believe I wasn't home. Yeah, I know I could have gone the other extreme. I could have answered and been really obnoxious, for I hold a Ph.D in the subject. But, that's the problem with being generally polite. I just stopped answering when he knocked. It took a number of times though. But, I got joy from peeking out the window and seeing his perplexed face wondering what to say to impress his little clones.
When the Mormans deal with the Italian locusts like they did in Utah, I'll answer the door again!

posted by ~Brahma 2:33 AM